Kathmandu Video Game

When I come to Kathmandu for my weekend visits I usually stay with my friends Ashton and Bijay. Ashton is a former E.L.I volunteer from California and Bijay is our Nepali friend who got me the job at the monastery. Anyway, recently the two have become somewhat obsessed with video games. Ashton has discovered how cheap they are to purchase in Kathmandu (bootleg of course). So they have become hooked on zombie killing, car racing, and tomb raiding in the last week or so. I was watching them play a car racing game where you must dodge all these obstacles and go as fast as you can and try not to run people over, etc... I suggested that they turn their video game off, purchase a car, and drive around the streets of Kathmandu for a real life video game, and it would probably be much more exhilarating, I thought. Well, I don't think they will take me up on my idea. But I have often thought that game creaters should make a game called "Road Rage: Kathmandu" or "Extreme Obstacle Adventure of Kathmandu," or something of the sort. Usually when I am walking around the capital I feel like I am myself in a real life video game. Here are some of the obstacles in this real life video game:
*Beggars. Some lay sprawled on the pavement so you must watch for grasping hands that are quite strong. Many of the beggars in Kathmandu have, or had, leprosy so many of their limbs are melted away. You must watch to make sure you don't step on a stump which are always grossly displayed to the public.
*Street children: The street boys can sleep in the more incredible places. Often, they sleep right smack in the middle of the sidewalk which proves a difficult obstacle because they sprawl out as if they are hugging the dirty ground. Also, they sleep in bunches so there usually is a mound of 3 or 4 street boys to jump over.
*Trash piles: This is a horrid one. You must time it at exactly the right moment to suck in your breath and try to hold it for the entire duration of the trash heap, which at times can be quite large, maybe covering an entire block. If you can't hold your breath, be prepared for a nasty which of rot. Sometimes the trash piles are right in the middle of the sidewalk so you either need to figure out how to get around them, or you need to figure out how to walk through them in the least slippery path, i.e. watch for banana peels, slimy vegetable scraps, and the occasional dead animal.
*Pot holes: Whenever I walk by these I think, "wow, in the US this would be a lawsuit waiting to happen." Usually, the holes are huge ones maybe 3 feet by 3 feet, with no covering leading directly down into the sewer system beneath the street. So if you do not watch your step, you will find yourself swimming in raw fecal matter. Yuck.
*Mud puddles and mud holes: Especially during the monsoon, this is necessary. Many of the mud puddles and holes are deeper than they look, so if you step into the wrong one you could find your boots covered to the ankles in thick, gummy mud. Also, maintaining a good balance on the mud is essential, because slippage is a major problem, especially if your boots do not have good traction.
*Tikka men: These questionable "sadhus" (Hindu holy men) walk around the streets with pails of marigold petals and tikka powder. (The tikka is the red dot on the forehead.) Then walk up to you and often, before you can protest have sprinkled marigold petals on your head, and dotted a tika between your eyebrows. "Good luck," they smile kindly. "That will be 100 rupees." It is a good think to dodge these men, often ducking is the best stragety from they swift hands.
*Motorbikes: These are hard. Since many of the streets of Kathmandu are nothing more than alleys they are incredibly cramped. The motor cycles get within millimeters of hitting you, and often just assume you will move out of the way. The bigger your vehicle is, the more right of way you have, according to the Kathmandu rules of the road. Also to watch out for: hot tail pipes as tail pipe burns on the ankles and calves are not uncommon.
*Taxis: This can be aggravating. Many of the taxi drivers seem to think that if they get as close to you as possible, and somehow corner you in a tight spot, you will have no choice but to take their taxi. Not the best business strategy if you ask me. Anyway, dodging them can be hard. They are usually the biggest things on the road a quick response to jump out of the way is essential. I have been near hit by taxis many a time. Another taxi obstacle: the constant questioning of the taxi drivers, "Taxi madame?" Every taxi driver will ask this as you pass.
*Rickshaws: The same goes for rickshaws as for taxis pretty much. The only other thing to watch for on the rickshaw are the rusty metal parts that stick out at strange angles, just screaming to infect you with tetanus. This is one good reason for long pants.
*Vegetable vendors: The vegetable vendors line the streets. Often the women selling the veggies, maybe out of boredom pile line upon line of lemon and tomato pyramids on their tarps. It would not be a good scene if you accidentally knocked over the vegetable pyramids. Likely you would have to buy all the vegetables and would wind up with 10 pounds of miscellaneous monsoon tomatoes.
Other obstacles: microbuses, minibuses, large buses, construction workers, cows, bulls, goats, chickens, sleeping dogs, barking dogs, biting dogs, touts, trekking guides, fruit juice sellers, flying wads of spit, snot rockets... The list could go on forever. This is why I propose a Kathmandu video game.